Facebook and Family

I seem to have crossed some invisible, digital line with my daughters by creating a Facebook page.

Oldest Daughter, whom we'll soon be visiting in London, has not responded to my request for Facebook friendship (extended several days ago). Middle Daughter was absolutely horrified to peek over my shoulder at home the other evening and find me navigating around Facebook.

"What are you doing?! You're on Facebook?! Why?!!"

Her tone indicated that there'd be no good answer to that question, but I did my best: I explained that friends of mine were on facebook, far-flung relatives stay in touch with it, authors are on it (some are in several of those categories at once); in short, in some ways it's far more efficient for staying in touch than e-mail, especially if you want to communicate with a group of people (family, people with similar interests, etc.).

"Oh, and by the way," I said, "when I search for you on Facebook, you're nowhere to be found."

"Ah-hah!," she crowed. "That's because I don't want you to find me!" Middle Daughter has disguised her identity. And she explained why: friends can find her, but employers -- or teachers, or parents, or perverts (which are all really one and the same, as far as she's concerned) -- cannot.

Then Middle Daughter told me how to find her page. I find that I don't want to look at it. There are some things about your kids that you really are better off not knowing, some circles you're better off not peeping into. Especially when those kids are over 18 and generally solid citizens, as The Daughters are.

It's funny how sites like Facebook start for exclusive communities and then cannot resist the breach of exclusivity. The Web is either horribly perverted, relentlessly democratic or neurotically secretive. I work under the assumption that my every keystroke will someday be discoverable, and I have to both be careful and inure myself to that concern.

So piss off.

No, just kidding! Really!

--T.A.

Comments

[sail on]

I got on Facebook because my daughter insisted I should be on it and is proud for me to see that she has over 400 "friends". (Mind you, she's about a decade older than your daughters.) I have a pathetically small number of friends, mainly siblings, nieces, nephews, my daughter's boyfriend and several of daughter's high school buddies. These people all invited me, not the reverse. It's touching (even if largely meaningless) when the women who were once teens I threw out of the house for unapproved parties with my daughter asked to be my "friends". I know, it's all about the body count . . .

[tamarika]

Well, David, pod-mate of old and former times, I am so glad you're my friend on Facebook! So glad! For you were the first to find my blog! You have a special place in my Cyber-heart.

[david]

And Tamara, my dear, you have a special place in my heart, as well! You can go on Facebook and throw a sheep at me any old time!