The house is suffused with the melancholy busy-ness of another work week. The One True Wife works out in the basement, where the TV blares CNN, then Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then Fox News, then the Today Show.
Upstairs, in the spare bedroom that serves as my study, I lay tefillin. Then I meditate. This is a little experiment my Mussar study partner and I have agreed to try for the next couple of weeks.
Judaism is more comfortable with sound than with silence, more at home in prayer than in meditation. But in each case, the former has its roots in the latter. When prayer seems to stop meaning much, you have to slide emptiness back underneath it.
Middle Daughter's alarm clock goes off. The snow plows beep as they grind into reverse. The computer does its perpetual silicon sigh.
I feel the gentle pressure of the tefillin against my forehead, and the mnemonic bite of the straps on my left arm. Am I meditating or making a list?
I've got a lot to do before I go to Chapel Hill on Wednesday...
Number One brother-in-law is going to need me to get this done today...
Gabe played a great basketball game last night...
I think we need new garage doors...
Eventually, the sounds are woven in and over my mind. Within it, a tiny glow, a quick forgiveness. A gentle hand on my back.
Then Monday begins in earnest.
--T.A.
my morning list (in my head)
must get coffee immediately when i am done with this meditating thing...
oh no she didn't wear that last night at the oscars...
my breath smells... dont' forget to brush your teeth...
xoxoxo
Posted by: sara | February 26, 2007 at 01:51 PM