Ten Lessons Learned from James Bond

Saw Casino Royale over the holiday weekend. If I were from another planet (and I'm not saying I'm not), here's what I would surmise about life on Earth, if this movie were my only guide:

1. The human body recovers almost immediately from blunt force trauma, deep cuts and slashes, cracked ribs and severe poisoning.
2. People either have wings or are in the process of evolving them.
3. The prettier a female of the species is, the more likely she is to die a terrible death.
4. Human beings who are emissaries of the Dark Forces are immediately recognizeable by any of a number of prominent and frightening physical defects.
5. The more ruthless and emotionless a man is, the more successful he is likely to be.
6. The more beautiful a woman, the more likely she is to be attached to a ruthless and emotionless man, unless she already has fulfilled number 3, above.
7. The preferred place of worship of the species is a table, covered in green felt, upon which a contest is played with small rectangular cards bearing ritual symbols.
8. Human beings like to carry vast amounts of their currency in shiny handled boxes, sometimes called briefcases.
9. No one actually works for a living.
10. The ones with blue eyes are treated as if they are descended from the gods.

--T.A.