Too True to be Good

From the "If I Had Made It Up, You Wouldn't Laugh" Department comes news that Mel Gibson is getting ready to make a nonfiction miniseries on the Holocaust. This may lead to an irreconcilable break with his dad, who claims the Holocaust never happened.

Just how is the right-wing Catholic son of a Holocaust-denier going to fill an entire mini-series, with the story of an event his dad says never happened, to a people he blames for killing his Christ?! Wow. Bet the Gibson family's therapy bills are skyrocketing.

As long as he's being a Servant of Truth, Mel might want to consider these other projects as well:

• The Many Hurts of Hitler: the Mein Kampf Miniseries, in which young Adolf sings, sighs and paints his way to a reconciliation with Shayna Shtreibel, his tomboyish Jewish nemesis, thus averting the Holocaust (that, as we know, never happened).
• Stalin for Time: The Real, Adorable Josef. Stalin actually collected dolls modeled after the Czar's family, and loved puppies. Who knew?!
• Say -- It Ain't So, Joe! Poor Joe McCarthy was framed. He was just a prankster who loved curling and playing the spoons! The whole Commie thing was just a joke, fellas! The true story of dear ol' Uncle Joe, as told by the adoring nieces and nephews who loved him.
• Pol Pot's Pot Party. That wacky Pol Pot: he wasn't killing millions of countrymen -- he was blissing out in the weeds! Had some pretty bad hallucinations, too: the real skinny.
• Itty Bitty Idi: the Hippo's Best Friend. Mel tells the story of how we really got Idi Amin all wrong. He had a gift of communicating with hippos. Here, his favorite hippo -- who speaks! -- tells the story of how Idi (who never got over the Zionist movement's rejection of Uganda as the Jewish homeland) was a wonderful magician and storyteller who had a weakness for falafel and shwarma.
• International Who? The Real Henry Ford. Henry Ford didn't really publish the famous anti-Semitic screed The International Jew. Well, he did, but it was a different Henry Ford. This Henry Ford read Torah, gave generously to Jewish causes, and secretly funded the Zionist cause. Oh, and he also had a wooden leg with an ashtray in it! Where do you think Bill Veeck got the idea?
• The Truth About Booth: John Wilkes and his One Big Boo-Boo. At last, the truth can be told by Mel, who was there: John Wilkes Booth, a clumsy Lincoln devotee with Tourette's Syndrome, is just running to say hello to his boyhood friend when he swears, flinches, and accidentally hits a guard's gun, causing it to discharge into the back of Lincoln's head. In an effort to throw himself in front of the speeding bullet, Booth falls off the balcony, runs in shame, and -- well, the rest is history, but the way Mel tells it, it's also art.

Mel, if you hurry, you can option these ideas. Operators are standing by. (I'll make sure none of them are Jewish.)

--T.A.

Comments

[Charlie (Colorado)]

Considering that Mel has made a big point about how Jesus dies for everyone, and made sure it was his own hands putting the spike through Jesus' hands at the end, don't you think you might possibly be responding to something other than Mel?

[Richard Lawrence Cohen]

"Stalin for Time"? Inspired! Now what have you got for Mao?

[david]

Charlie: yeah, possibly. I think most of us do that most of the time -- drag our other baggage into our responses to the people and situations in front of us.

But I don't mind having some fun at Mel's expense while I'm at it.

[Vikki]

Ghengis Khan: the Sisterhood of the Traveling Huns